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"I'm Not Perfect"

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It all started with my childhood sweetheart...........

He and I grew up in the same church and kept up with each other for years.  Then we decided to really build together and began to spend more time around each other.  At the time, he had a son and we all used to hang out and watch tv sometimes.  Well ya'll, at the time, I was in school working on getting my CMA certification and one weekend we stayed in a room just to get away ya know.  That Monday morning, I went to class & when I returned (before check out time), he had thrown all of my personal items outside!  As soon as I walked up towards the room door, he grabbed me and knocked me down to the floor......wrapped his hands around my throat and began to squeeze.  All I could think was, "Grandma......I'm on my way......by the hands of you godson."  I remember everything went totally white and then he let go!  I managed to get up and run out of the room to get away from him before he attacked me again.  Later on he explained to me that he was upset that I had left to go to class and didn't wake him up.  Can you imagine how I must have felt that day?  Never will I ever say that I'm a saint because no one is perfect.  I admit my own faults and throughout this blog, you will be taking a walk with me down memory lane...........

So of course I left my childhood sweetheart as soon as "toxic relationship" signs began to pop up.  But then I met my ex-husband.........

Why in the world do we (as women) hold on to abusive men?  See, this time around I thought that I could change him through prayer and giving him all the love I could give him.  After the first year, we had an argument that got so out of hand that the neighbors came over & started banging on our front door.  This was the first time he decided to put his hands on me.  Remember I said I'm not perfect.......well, since I had been in the other situation with my childhood sweetheart.........arguments automatically make me lash out smh.  So that night, he started yelling & screaming in my face to the point I had enough and screamed at him to "Get out of my face" and kept pushing him away.  So he grabbed my face and pushed his fingers so hard into my cheek that my tooth came through my skin on the outside.  WOW.....Really?!  That's when the neighbors started banging on the door........and he took off his bloody shirt........walked outside and put it in the dumpster.......came back inside and started watching television.

**In 2016, statistics show that in NC, 73 out of 110 victims of domestic violence were female.  Statistics also show that out of 109 offenders, 87 of them were male.**

Over the next few years, every time my ex-husband and I moved, he would put his hands on me.  It was almost like.......new place......new bruises.........

The second time, I made too much noise one morning.  I got up, turned the shower on and then walked down the hall to the kitchen to boil us some sausages for lunch at work that day.  When I came back to get in the shower, he was up cussing me out and calling every name under the sun.  I stayed as quiet as I could and went to get in the shower.  He followed me during his rant and finally I told him to "leave me alone because it's too early for this."  He could have cared less though and he stood at the bathroom door while I attempted to take my shower.  Once again, I got fed up and pushed the door shut so I could have a moment of peace.  I hit him in the head with the door by accident (Hell I didn't know he was that close since I really couldn't see on the otherside of the shower curtain.)  So he pushed the door back open and knocked me down in the shower which left me with a grade 4 sprain of my left foot & bruises and cuts from the faucet.

**Did you know that 6 of the 110 victims (5.5%) had previously taken out protective orders when the homicides occurred.  Yet only one of those protective orders were current when the homicide occurred?

If you recall, I said that every time we moved, there was another incident..........

This time I made the choice to drop everything and run!  After so many times of being knocked down, you do begin to fall out of love with the individual.  Rock Hill, SC was it for me...........

The last incident ended with me actually fighting back and leaving looking like Rihanna after her fight with Chris Brown!  All I can say is even though I may have gone through this, the strength that was developed within my spirit means so much to me.  This is when I started my loc journey which symbolized my wholeness and ability to withstand the attacks of the enemy.

Just keeping it real, I still had to go through a few things to gain the strength in every area of my life........which is why I believe I had to endure "Sugar & Grits."  As traumatizing as that was, the blessings of the ancestors still covered me and now..........LIFE IS GOOD........nah..........LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!! :)

DON'T WAIT UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE TO GET AWAY!!!!

<<The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800799-7233>>

<< https://www.thehotline.org/>>

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~*~Nzuri Asha'~*~

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